not yet

Today was going to be the Big Debut. The New Beginning. I had waited months for this moment. Today I was going to lead my first youth group since leaving LA last January. Instead I am sitting on the pier in San Clemente, watching dolphins splash underneath a beautiful sun set across endless golden waters.

Why? You might ask. Well you see, I agreed to come back and serve in Los Angeles as the High school youth pastor in May. However, I already had made a commitment to work at a museum in San Diego until the end of August. So in the meantime I take the train up to LA every Tuesday night for youth group. Tonight was different though.

Approximately one hour into the trip, a man had a heart attack. The train made an emergency stop and was delayed for about an hour and a half. I don’t know if the man made it or not, but I pray that He knows the Savior. Realizing that I would arrive in Los Angles with only enough time to catch my return train I decided to get off at the next stop and make some phone calls. It was only after I got off the train that I discovered that there were no more San Diego bound trains stopping at that particular city tonight. Thankfully my father is in town and was willing to come pick me up. What a swell guy. I made some phone calls and arranged for youth group to run without me. Then I found a nice bench on the pier and waited.

I don’t know why God allowed this to happen. I had a killer lesson planned out. I was brimming with excitement. Why would God allow this to happen? Here’s a thought. I was so prepared in my head to teach about the wonder and power of God. Yet perhaps God saw that I was not prepared to teach in my heart. I can wax eloquent about the wonder of God, but when was the last time that I let the wonder of God wash over my heart? How long has it been since I was silent in His powerful presence? I wasn’t ready to teach. I know that now.

Forgive me Father for taking a detour around the heart construction You want to do for me. For trying to teach intimately about Someone with whom I haven’t been intimate. Thank You for this silence.

By His grace, for His glory,
J.R.F.